Being single, pure, and sexy in today’s culture
By: Madeleine “Maddie” Jomolca
It was another flawless, South Florida day. I met my good friend and fellow brother-in-Christ at a local beach. My friend, who will remain nameless, is not only graced with a tremendous heart for God, but is also a Cross-fit trainer and nutritionist, endowed with chiseled features, and hard body to boot, and after setting our things down, I slowly removed my shorts, leaving me with my two-piece and a small white-tee. I began the not-so-subtle “adjusting ritual” of straps and bottoms, when my friend looked over to me, giggled and said: “You can take that top off, Maddie, it doesn’t distract me!” He added, “I mean, don’t get me wrong; I think you’re smokin’, but when a man like me sees a woman like you, I see the beauty in God’s creation; where a man of the world would say to himself: I wanna hit that! (urban dictionary)
Although my chiseled brethren, had gotten a bit ahead of himself, for I had no intention of leaving my shirt on, I found his candor and unwavering confidence, not only as a man, but more importantly, as a man of God, refreshing, and… well… “sexy”.
There it is! I said it; the four-letter word that has roused so many conflicting views and controversy within the church. Are Christians viewed or even allowed to be viewed as sexy?
Dr. Ted Roberts co-writer of the book titled: “Sexy Christians”…, commented the following in a GMA interview:
“Sexy Christians- the term sounds like a total oxymoron to most folks but God never designed it to be that way. From a local television reporter’s puzzled questions to me, “You are going to talk about this in church!” to our appearance on Good Morning America, people have been flabbergasted that we are talking about sex openly and honestly in the church. For such a time as this we desperately need to understand what it means to be a Sexy Christian. We need to be living in the sense of sexual fulfillment and maturity God designed us to experience (as husband and wife) because the world’s alternatives have become so deadly. And so many people are looking for answers and healing in one of the deepest areas of their lives – their sexuality. Our world is wide open to Christ’s design for sexuality but we need to live out the message without shame or hesitancy. Yes, to helping teens and singles walk with such passionate purity that it would make a lost world jealous! ”
Let’s begin with what “being sexy” even means?
For the most part, and especially by the worlds standards, “being sexy” is appealing favorably to the sexual preferences of men and/or women. Being sexy can and will capture someone’s sexual notice and can often invoke a sexual desire. This, is not the “sexy” that I am referring to, or would encourage.
So maybe it’s better to ask if it’s okay to be desired?… Or to want to be desired? I don’t know too many people who would respond with a “no”. Any and all of God’s creatures want to be desired by our counterparts. In fact, desirability both in appeal and appropriateness is engrained in our very being. It is a core element to who we are, even relationally.
The bible teaches us that we (women) are to dress “modestly, with decency and propriety, so as not to cause a man to lust”, and while I contend that we, as women of integrity should never intentionally place ourselves in the position to be lusted after, I, for one, cannot and will not be held responsible for the intentions of the men in my sphere!
The church needs to stop sensationalizing the role of women, and start teaching that we are all, one-in the same, to be accountable and responsible for our own thoughts, and actions. This ideology of the ‘she-devil made me do it” has been and remains the staple and central basis for the falling away of many Christian men and women, starting in the congregation doorway, up the aisles and pews, and finally, at the pulpit. In fact, this very thinking has rendered the downfall of many spiritual leaders (pastors) in the church to date.
Lust is what Jesus spoke of in Matthew 5:28, saying“…whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery…” To lust here places intention, and thus sin, on the person doing the lusting. The verse could be paraphrased, “Whoever seeks women to lust after has already committed adultery…” The problem, then, is theirs.
While society around us struggles with body image and beauty, women of faith face the same pressures, plus a fear of becoming too concerned with our looks or “distracting” to the men around us. We ask ourselves: Is it wrong to want to be attractive? Is it okay to watch our weight and buy designer jeans that make our butts look good? Do we have to live in fear of male sexuality?Can we dress in a way that both honors God and looks good? … sexy?
Christian actress, Meagan Good, who starred in “Think Like a Man” and recently married Hollywood executive and Seventh-day Adventist preacher DeVon Franklin, is still defending her Christianity against those who have been critical of her appearance and actions, when she decided to role-play as a burlesque dancer themed, Las Vegas bachelorette party. “Christians can be sexy” she said. “God gave us our body parts not to go and show everything to everyone, but it’s okay to be sexy and to be comfortable with your sexuality”.
Now, I’m not entirely certain how it all went down, so-to-speak, for while I certainly encourage any and all ‘role-playing’ between a husband and wife (no holds barred!) in the privacy of, well, the closed-door of choice, from what I can read, Meagan’s party, on the other hand, took place before the general public, among men and women, as seen in one of the photos, and later made more public via the distribution of these photos… and that’s where the lines became blurred.
Ladies, keep your clothes on! I’m not suggesting you strap on a crotchless bustier, and matching stockings and paint the town red! Again, any willful act to place yourselves in the line of fire, so as to invoke lust in another is not only distasteful… it’s unsexy.
Let’ rewind for a moment back to the 209 Miss USA pageant where a sexy bikini-bearing, evangelical Christian Miss California, Carrie Prejean who not only came under fire by the liberal media for stating and standing grounded in her beliefs, but also by the church for her choices and decision to appear on national television.
I know that I, personally along with many friends applauded Prejean, for her boldness, bravery and virtuous use of the pageant platform. She made us proud to be women, beautiful, godly women, shamelessly bringing and displaying beauty to a sometimes beauty-less world.
I maintain that we don’t need to remain pinned to any stigma or fear; fear of not fitting in, fear of being too attractive or unattractive, or too desirable, or undesirable.
Perhaps I’m treading a thin line here, but I don’t see most desire as bad. And, as a form of desire, I don’t think sexual attraction is bad either. While Christians should stop well short of overemphasizing sexuality as the main means of attracting a mate, we should also realize how silly it is to think we can turn off our sexual attractiveness receptors at will.
God-fearing, church-going, single and married Christian women are, not just sexy… we’re Kingdom-sexy! A term I adopted in teaching my teen daughter how to remain pure in today’s ‘pop-culture’.
In fact, exquisitely so! Not only because we strive to eat clean, live clean, and can rock any white-tee and skinny-jeans like it’s nobody’s business, to kingdom come, but especially because, we are Kingdom daughters and sisters, who have raised children, overcome hardships, separations, and illnesses, now clinging to the promise of a Saviour, living life deliciously, with purpose and ON purpose. We, the single believers, have mastered “the art of endurance, and fortitude”, such endurance that can only be realized with self-control, the impending… in “the wait”.
Similarly, what’s sexy in a man (for me) is one who loves Jesus with everything he’s got. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg… What’s crazy-sexy is a man on a mission for Christ. A man who loves God submissively, without boundaries and to the extent of wanting and waiting for his perfect bride, even if it means feeling, at times besieged by his desires, yet falling back on his God-fearing convictions… every time!— (Cue Keith Urban’s- “SomebodyLike You”!)
We CAN be conservative, book-and-bible-reading, guitar-playing, justice-loving, compassion-driven, Jesus-loving, designer-stilletto-wearing, strappy-sandal-flaunting, bikini-bearing, sun-bathing, stylin’-without-tryin’, short-missions-tripping — “Kingdom-Sexy” Christians! As long as we love Jesus radically and fiercely it will become known in the way we interact with the world… We are a people with style and heart. This type of faith not only gives color to the church, but it makes it/us, like Jesus, relatable.
… and that’s the kind of ‘sexy’ we ought stand behind and encourage!…
Celebrate Life… it’s delicious!
Madeleine “Maddie” Jomolca: ” Life is delicious!!… And I am so blessed to have an all-loving God who, despite my own negligence, has preserved my body (health, and mind) and restored my soul by His grace, so that I can, in turn bring others to the same place.” ~Maddie